Wednesday, 25 April 2012


Are you having trouble falling asleep at night? Is there too much logic in your life? Is making sense getting you down? Try one of these before bedtime...

Monday, 22 August 2011

Thursday, 7 July 2011

ONE NIGHT STAND - a new poem

By me.

Dedicated to... sorry what's your name again darling?


I've been a bit unsure about this one since I published it. I think, in fact, it's a lot closer to 'Poetry' than anything else I've done. And it might work on the page better than in your ears... Here it is in print and voice.

Your clooves are hot and hairy
Your eyes are black with lice.
Your brain is a wheel that's spun,
Run by infernal mice.

Your teeth bear stains of gnashing,
Your arse has a gravity that sucks in all sight;
All is occluded, nothing burns bright -
Except that vicious silken wiggle, painful delight.

Your hips fling flame as you walk;
Your lips drip pain as you talk.
Shame. Shame. Shame. Can I?
Can I good cop/bad cop you?

I over-rule all your objections.
And though you 'Aye' and you 'Nay',
You also whinny, growl, purr and Hey!
Baby. Let's make haaaaay!


I sing the Magnificent Song of Your Boobs,
As they slip and they slide and run free.
You have a diamond as big as the Ritz on your clit
O! Wiggle it closer to me...

The ode in your arse, the prayer of your hips,
The full-throated roar of your shell;
Your Catholic Voodoo Norse epic ellipsis -
I'll plunge dark in your void, damn your hell!

Let me see your mystic dancing
Rockin' rollin' gnostic heresy.
Tattoo a cross and singe my soles,
Prick my doll, burn my wicker, chop my tree!

Tick Tock Tick Tock, I've got a massive clock.
And it's beating just for you.
Ding dong! You're not wrong!
And don't worry! I'll show you how I WOOOO!

Your mouth wraps well 'round my phallindromes;
You like it long and hard from both ends.
Will you Onomatopeia on my face? (splosh!) Do!
Come from your depths, decompress my bends.

Now that Wilhelm Reich - what a guy!
He'd burst his fat orgone right into your eye.
Should I bust my nutty nut all over your fizzog?
Funk like Slick Rick, or Snoop Doggy Dogg?

I la-di-da-di - and I love to party,
In your top-shelf top-notch top-hole.
I wax off and wax on with tremendous aplomb;
If you don't like my engine don't shovel my coal!

Yes! I am the Nigerian Pope of Trash - and I will beatify your gnash

Is there a part of you I haven't touched yet?
Did you know I've been raped by none other than the Sun?
Yes, alright, I'm a sexual surrealist dandy magician hypnotist cheeseball with an apocalyptic streak.
But - I know how to fuck.

SO. You smash my head against the head of your bed.
And, as I ejaculate in your cunt, I grunt.

ONE NIGHT STAND (not safe for work or the delicate) by The Piper Machine


My voice (speaking hypnotic filth) as seen through the medium of a very pretty girl's face. This is a truncated version of a film by a great friend and extremely talented artist Lisa Rovner. She has an exhibition in New York very soon.

Apparently I got a much better reaction than Martin Luther King...

Dirty Pretty Things on

Friday, 24 June 2011

Well, I've seen some Things in my thyme

Some music I've been listening to. There's no THEME as such, but my 30th birthday is approaching, so if it pleases you then interpret these songs as aspects of my current mind. Hey, I ain't no Sigmund Freud. And it's true, I do have some things on my mind. Bring on 40!


It's a bit of a monster.

1. Smokes - ? and the Mysterians
2. Roll, Roll, Pretty Baby - The Swallows
3. Sidi Mansour - Sir Richard Bishop
4. On The Hill - House of Love
5. Matty Groves - Fairport Convention
6. Fly To Your Lover - The Guillotines
7. Havanna Gila - La Sega Del Canto
8. Long Lankin - Tinkercuss
9. Soldier On - Richard Hawley
10. Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You - Basil Henriques And The Waikiki Islanders
11. Electrosexual Sewing Machine - Momus
12. Memory Pain - Percy Mayfield
13. Similau - Bobby Darin
14. Le Coeur Qui Jazze - France Gall
15. Will To Fail - Katie Lee
16. Nene Aman - Artie Barsamin & his Orchestra
17. Young Waters - June Tabor
18. Little Bird - The Beach Boys
19. Pretty Kitty Bop - David Hermann
20. Natural Magic - Jack Nitzsche
21. Kingsport Town - Cat Power
22. Poor Little Piggy Bank - Jimmy Boyd & Frankie Laine
23. "She spit on me!" - 3 Women Soundtrack
24. Gloomy Sunday - Paul Whiteman with Johnny Hauser
25. Capricho Arabe
26. Green Is The Colour - Pink Floyd
27. J'Ai Peur Parfois - Adele
28. Steady Rolling Blues - Memphis Slim
29. Ooh Baby Baby (Golden Soul) - San Francisco T.K.O.'s 
30. Flamingo - The Charades
31. When We're Dancing Close And Slow - Prince
32. Minha Neguinha - Cibelle
33. Le Brin D'Herbe - Brigitte Fontaine & Areski Belkacem
34. Willow's Song - Magnet
35. Just Another Night - Roxy Music
36. Time Has Come Today - The Chambers Brothers
37. All By Yourself In The Moonlight - "Whispering" Jack Smith
38. Tropical Hot Dog Night - Captain Beefheart
39. Try To Get A Good Night's Sleep - Don Redman & His Orchestra


Friday, 29 April 2011

Tarot sketch

Tarot interpretations as a 3D animation. The various prescribed words (or ideas? images? sentiments? intuitions?) associated with a card delineate the outline, a Venn diagram set, somewhere within which lies roughly the truth we are seeking. But the definition is no particular word - the ambiguous space requires the flexibility of imagination, the possibility or potential of several perhaps contradictory meanings.
It in fact exists somewhere along a 3rd axis, the circle extruded along it into the murky subconscious. "The answer lies somewhere or perhaps everywhere in the mass of the cone..."
Similar cones are illuminated from each of the five cards, sliding and stretching through the smoky darkness, like the beams of searchlights. They eventually intersect, to form a small bright gemstone, colours irridescing and pulsing across its five main faces.
But it is the face opposite the middle card, the synthesis, which shines strongest, enough to throw a new beam of holy light, powerful insight, sharp and clear, direct to a point, from the forehead (the third eye, of course).
By this means, the tarot reader locates the meaning of the cards, and understands it. The location - the intersection of the possibilities of all the cards - is also the meaning. The location is only a metaphor in this demonstration - but the meaning is all metaphor as well. This is how metaphor works, this is how tarot works, this is how the world works.